That other guy…
Today, I see my life ahead of me. Not many people would agree that what I hope for in my life is the right thing for me. I don’t care what anyone thinks. It’s my decision and that’s what matters.
I had a huge crush on someone for 3-4 years. All my life, I felt like it was destiny tying us together and keeping us within each other’s reach. My whole highschool life I have never even heard his voice, but still, I was truly, madly, deeply infatuated by him. Last year, I met the most amazing guy. His name is…okay, no name-drops. He was my first in a lot of ways. My first movie with a boy, first kiss. This boy, my man, I am truly and deeply in love with. So what happened? If you’ve read my other blogs, you’ll know the story. We broke up, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t love him anymore and vice versa. How about my crush? Well, now that the other guy and I have broken up, I have full access to really talk with my crush. I’ve gotten to know him better and I finally heard his voice! Haha! Anyway, for the past weeks I’ve been communicating with him, I kept comparing him to the other guy. I have this thing at night before I sleep where I would have fantasies about me and someone I like. Like us getting married or something. But when I imagined myself and my crush, I just felt sick. Not because he’s unattractive or what, but because I just couldn’t imagine kissing or hugging or holding someone else’s hand but my other guy’s. I just saw my loyalty to my other guy, my baby. And no matter what, even now that I do not feel much of anything to say that yeah, I do love him, I will still repeat it over and over. I love him. I love Aaron Maranan Aguan. I don’t care who reads this. I just know why I can’t have a crush on anyone anymore, why I don’t feel kilig even when my crush cares for me. Because having you in my life is what really matters. And if this break up is what it takes to fight for you, and then I’ll wait. I love you, bi. Don’t worry about me, I may not be yours today because we both seek God first, but I am partly yours bibs. Because a part of me is in you. :) Smile always. I miss you so much. Wanna kiss and hug you. :(
See you on your birthday. Kahit hindi date..