but words can break your heart.
Today, I see my life ahead of me. Not many people would agree that what I hope for in my life is the right thing for me. I don’t care what anyone thinks. It’s my decision and that’s what matters.
I had a huge crush on someone for 3-4 years. All my life, I felt like it was destiny tying us together and keeping us within each other’s reach. My whole highschool life I have never even heard his voice, but still, I was truly, madly, deeply infatuated by him. Last year, I met the most amazing guy. His name is…okay, no name-drops. He was my first in a lot of ways. My first movie with a boy, first kiss. This boy, my man, I am truly and deeply in love with. So what happened? If you’ve read my other blogs, you’ll know the story. We broke up, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t love him anymore and vice versa. How about my crush? Well, now that the other guy and I have broken up, I have full access to really talk with my crush. I’ve gotten to know him better and I finally heard his voice! Haha! Anyway, for the past weeks I’ve been communicating with him, I kept comparing him to the other guy. I have this thing at night before I sleep where I would have fantasies about me and someone I like. Like us getting married or something. But when I imagined myself and my crush, I just felt sick. Not because he’s unattractive or what, but because I just couldn’t imagine kissing or hugging or holding someone else’s hand but my other guy’s. I just saw my loyalty to my other guy, my baby. And no matter what, even now that I do not feel much of anything to say that yeah, I do love him, I will still repeat it over and over. I love him. I love Aaron Maranan Aguan. I don’t care who reads this. I just know why I can’t have a crush on anyone anymore, why I don’t feel kilig even when my crush cares for me. Because having you in my life is what really matters. And if this break up is what it takes to fight for you, and then I’ll wait. I love you, bi. Don’t worry about me, I may not be yours today because we both seek God first, but I am partly yours bibs. Because a part of me is in you. :) Smile always. I miss you so much. Wanna kiss and hug you. :(
See you on your birthday. Kahit hindi date..
I’m a sucker for weddings. Especially Filipino weddings where everyone is crying at init na init yung groom sa suot niyang barong. I’ve always dreamed of having my own wedding and I would always play in my head what I would want to say to my husband-to-be during our wedding.
Sa ngayon, eto yung gusto kung sabihin ngayon kung sakanya nga talaga ako ikakasal. Ang setting nito future siyempre. Mga 2018. Hahaha!
"Bibi, wow. Ang gwapo gwapo mo today. Naalala mo ba yung first date natin? Yung first date na hindi naman talaga dapat date. Yung date na ang sweet sweet mo? Pag naalala ko yun, lagi ko naaalala yung tanong mo sa akin, ‘Masaya ka ba?’ tapos ang sagot ko lang, ‘Paano pa naman ba ako hindi sasaya eh hawak ko na yung kamay mo.’ Sobrang saya ko nun, kaso alam mo naman yung kinailangan nating pagdaanan. Naghiwalay tayo dahil ‘yun yung gusto mo, at gusto ng lahat ng tao. Nung una ‘yun din gusto ko, ako pa nga talagang nagpipilit na makipaghiwalay sa’yo. Pero nung panahong yun, pagkatapos ng lahat lahat, ayaw na kitang hiwalayan. Bibi, ngayon, masaya na tayo. Magkasama na tayo at simula mamaya pagtapos ng misang ‘to, kakain, kakanta, sasayaw, tutulog, uuwi, magpapahinga, uutot, madadapa at magmamahal ako ng kasama ka. I promise to love you, not because you are my husband but because iisang tao na lang tayo ngayon. Iniimagine ko lagi nung dati pa, pag nakakakita ako ng mga majojondang magjowaers, na ano kayang itsura mo pag matanda ka na.. Ako kaya yung kasama mong ngumungiti at tumatawa kahit bungal ka na? Ngayon, ‘di ko na kailangang itanong pa kasi, oo. Ako nga ang makakasama mo. Sobrang hirap na ng mga pinagdaanan natin, and nandito pa rin ako para sa’yo. Sobrang cliche pero yun ang pangakong hindi ko kayang ipako para sa’yo. Lagi akong nandito para sa’yo, kung nahihirapan ka at gusto mo ng kasama mahirapan, andito ako. Kung naiiyak ka at nahihiya ka kasi ang pangit mo umiyak, pagtatawanan kita at iiyak tayo ng sabay. Kung gusto mo ng magpapaligo sa’yo para pag pinawisan ka hindi ka na mabaho, hahanapin ko lahat ng panghilod at itatawas ko yang kilikili mo para baby fresh na. Andito ako, para maging parte ng lahat lahat sa buhay mo. I promise to love you, kahit sa panahong hindi ka karapat-dapat mahalin. Patatawarin kita sa lahat ng gagawin mong kasalanan. Hahalikan kita sa panahong may masakit sa’yo, at mamahalin kita, mabaho ka man o hindi. I love you so much, bi. TAYO NA. YES FINALLY!!"
I hope I’d be able to say this one day.